Blog number 4 –

Howdy, Jaye Hawks! Another dose of tittle-tattle coming your way, if you’ll be so kind to indulge me. I sure hope so, since yours truly’s been chock-full of author angst of late, and needs to unload a teensy, tiny little bit.

Promise I’ll keep it short ‘n’ sweet, too… This in light of the fact I’m off to the much-anticipated Moonlight & Magnolias Conference down in sweltering (97 degrees!) Atlanta, GA bright and early tomorrow morn, and haven’t even cracked open my dang suitcase yet. (Been writing up an absolute storm, people.) And sadly, this self-proclaimed pack mule has never exactly mastered the fine art of “traveling light”, that’s for sure.

BTW, ironic these elevated temps—considering my previous pearls of wisdom mourning the inevitable demise of Mr. Sun and his basking warmth in my Northeastern neck of the woods.

(If you missed blog number three, check it out, along with a buncha other droll observances and a saucy snippet or two on my slowly-but-surely-expanding website

Yeah, guess I did jump the gun a tad, since in the interim between blogs it’s been downright glorious ´round these parts. After being called out by a few indignant compadres for premature doom and gloom, this naysayer’s pretty much had to eat her shorts with a side of blue cheese and carrot sticks regarding her premature weather predictions. Oopsie.

But still—that evilness is coming, people, do not be deceived!

Anyhow, my bad. Here’s hoping the fine weather continues to hold out, and all. Me, I’ve got other things on my mind at the moment other than the flippin’ barometric pressure. Namely, how seriously I suck at social media-slash-marketing savvy, and all the conundrums that confusing crap entails.

Let me repeat that, for those of you “experts” who were just posting some clever little ditty with a flick of their pinky finger and not paying a whit of attention.

Seriously. Suck.

Facebook, Instagram… Lordy, I can scarcely comprehend the fundamentals of those well-established mothers, let alone the scads of snazzy new social platforms constantly multiplying out there in Cyberspace like so many horny rabbits. Platforms I reckon would be quite useful in helping a semi-raunchy (alright, maybe not so semi) author get her presence known to the teeming masses. Quite useful, indeedie.

Hawks, it’s downright maddening.

JC needs tutorials! JC needs webinars! JC needs a cute little techie-elf she can carry around in her back pocket to help her figure out this diabolical dumptruck- load of brain-drains!

JC needs an IV of Santa Margarita stuck in her plumpest vein, stat!

Hey, it’s not my fault, this woeful lack of media skills. Can I help it if I was born in the fricking wrong century? A slight exaggeration perhaps, but no joke… I submit to you here and now your average eight-year-old whippersnapper knows more about “posting” and “sharing” and “following” than this Clueless Wonder does.

I’m telling you, I need me that elf!

(To be honest, my first choice was a bare-chested Jason Momoa, but come on—that dude’s waaaayyyy too big to fit in anybody’s pocket. Except if you happened to catch that SNL elf-on-a-shelf-skit he starred in last season, shrunk to adorable proportions. Which was freaking hilarious. Regardless, notwithstanding the man’s acting skills, something tells me the man’s missus wouldn’t be too thrilled about loaning out hubby’s fine tush for any hands-on lessons, pocket-sized or not.)

Well, ‘nuff said on that subject. Who the H am I kidding—the only thing in my pockets these days is a bunch of lint, a crushed dog treat, and maybe a few coins if I’m lucky. No spunky little sprite to help me figure perplexing shit out and certainly no strapping Khal Drago to tutor me on the ins and outs of the latest and greatest media sites.

Boo hoo on that.

Guess I’ll have to keep plugging along the old-fashioned way. This stuff’s bound to get easier with time and practice, right? And there’s always the outside chance Jason may happen to call. Or, if not him, at least my magic elf “Techie”

I live in hope.

Alrighty then, JC’s gotta skedaddle. I already told you, I’m under the gun here, timewise. Ye oversized suitcase awaiteth! Psyched for the conference!

Thanks for reading, and remember to spread the Jaye-word to all your peeps… The Breakaleg Trilogy is right around the corner. As always, I appreciate every one of you who take the time to read me and support me. You rock!

Instagram: jcjayeauthor
Facebook: jcjayeauthor

Over and out for now. In humor, lust, ‘n’ love,